Sunday, June 14, 2009
Couple of Weeks ago a colleague who was meeting up with her husband for lunch decided to bring her kids in to the office for a minute or two.
I dunno how old they were but as usual everyone was gushing and engaged in baby/kiddy talk, trying to get the kid's attention.
I on the other hand turned to acknowledge and carried onw doing work as if there were no grown adults behind me talking in that irritatingly cute lil voice offering sweets and candy to a kid. Good thing they were women, else I would think there were peadophiles in the office!!
It was obvious, I am so not a kid person!! Don't get me wrong I do like kids but I'm not really bothered about trying to impress em and getting their attention. Well I do think I would want to have em ..some of my own. 'THINK' being the operative word.
I'm pretty much bombarded with questions about when we'll be having one of our own... which I can't help but correct.. Not We'll...It's more like I...Me!! Considering that I'll be the one who has to have it for like a long time. The guys just get it done in ...30 seconds..Then the job's done for them!! You might be thinking its normal to have parents and In laws asking.. but hell when you start getting it from the husband's colleagues too... I think thats like...way out of line.
I think I sound resentful about how ....the big man up there made our lil parts work.. hell yeah I'm resentful!!
Life as it is ..is already so damn demanding. You get so tired at the end of the freaking day, you barely have time for yourself. With kids, Its gonna take more out of you, which I dun think I have to give. Cats are different, they make too much noise and irritate the hell out of you, I just leave them out in the living room and retreat to the confort of my bedroom, indulging in whatever the tube has to offer. You can't chuck kids when they're annoying!
Lets not even start on the whole being out with a kid. You can't have lunch or dinner in peace. I just don't think I have that to give either.
It may sound selfish to some but I'm not just thinking about myself here, I'm thinking for the kid as well. I don't wanna bring a kid in and then resent em for my not being able to the things I want. Not something you can put away when you decide its not for you ya know. At the same time, the thot of just having em to shut people up comes up everyone once in a while. But if I dun live up to what they think being a mom is about...then the same people will be the ones making you out to be the BAD parent.
All my unmarried life, I had a curfew, I didn't get to do the things I wanna do and had to do what is expected of me. Now that I sort of have a life of my own, whether or not they say it out or silently hopeful.... I'm still being expected to give these ppl what is ...expected...of a married woman....!! I just don't think I'm put unto the world to spawn...as expected.
All my growing up years, I had always wanted to be of the opposite sex. I also had a feminist streak in me, growing up. I grew into what I am eventually but I suppose that fire in me never left.
Why the reason for this super long rant, you ask? Honestly, I am sick of people in my life...related or unrelated asking me about it. I cringe when i hear or am told that someone around me is expecting. I'm sorry if it offends anyone.... it's suppose to be a happy thing for the person.
Good for you....I am genuinely happy for you. Perhaps you're contented with your purpose and what you have done so far.... but please don't look at me with those eyes and turn those questions that come after the announcement...to me!
I always try to be nice and civil and pretend it doesn't affect me when I get those questions posed to me. I do think that it won't be long till I snap when I get those again.... and when that happens... I don't think its gonna be pretty!
Posted by AdrenaLynn at 9:39 AM
Thursday, June 04, 2009
I Guess We Never Really Moved On...Always know the song bt never really paid attention. Somehow got to listening to it and started looking up the lyrics;
Anways my memory bank got jogged a little.... then came the realisation on what it was about and it dawned on me who its was meant for.....
Song: Lips Of An Angel
Artiste: Hinder
Honey why are you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late?
Posted by AdrenaLynn at 7:47 PM
Friday, March 06, 2009
Hey..I'm still very much alive!! As always...my post all start with ..It's been awhile mainly cos It has been a freaking while. Updates are far and few nowadays..not really my fault since there really no time to do anything other than work.. at work!! Once I get home.. . its either i really wanna use the PC or.. since recently... I'm hooked on Spot The Difference on FaceBook..haha!!
I'm so easy to please ... hehe...
Anyways I digress.... Took a short break to KT in Feb with my man. Well it was KL first ..for a few short hours...if it was even that,... then met up with Jay..then the rest of the boys. Road Trip up to KT from KL!! Love hate relationship with long road trips tho... but what was suppose to be a bearable 5 hrs drive ended up to a 7 hr long ride!! jay decided to take the 'scenic route' as he would wanna put it.. (instead of taking a wrong turn...) and ended up spending 2 extra hours sightseeing Kuantan!! We now know where the stadium and A&W is there..hehe!!
In Anycase.. KT was fun.. .. ! It was nice to see the guys since it has been a while..since we met last...Some we met for the first time tho.. but they're all alright! Of course with the guys.. the main activity will be getting sloshed!
One fella did (i'm not naming names).. which was pretty funny to watch..!! From picking fights with the postbox...to the tissue dispenser.. .the wall... to getting my injured wrist aggravated... so much entertainment..from one single person...haha!! That was a first for me...!!
Another fella had a feminine side... Even I would possibly lose to! From sunsilk to strawberry yoghurt face wash...!! That was a relevation....
Mitch took us around KT...took some pics...of the guys...of the places. Tell you what if you have access to my FB..check out the KT pics. Try and guess who is the drunk and who's the Strawberry facewash bloke..haha!! The drunk is pretty easy lah..got giveaway in one of the pics!!
Damn its 8pm already..time to get off work..lets see if I feel like continuing the above laters when I get home. ... i know its abrupt..but hey gotta go!! Laters
Posted by AdrenaLynn at 7:21 PM
Friday, February 13, 2009
This week has been really slow though I'm pretty glad Friday is almost over. I've just been so damn tired. Had a weird dream last night... super weird...didn't sleep very well tho.
Aggravated my wrist injury over training on Monday, hurts like a bitch now. No training today so its' gonna get an extra day's rest to heal up.... as much as it can anyways. Pretty sure i'm gonna aggravate it further during the game on Saturday. At the rate I'm going I don't think I'll last the whole season this year.
Last year, I had a ligament tear on my left ankle but at least that was halfway through the season. This year the wrist got injured even before the season took off. Part of me is secretly wishing we dun have enuff players tomorrow so we dun have to play ...haha... tho that would suck..a walkover like that.
I'm just waiting for next week to come so I can finally get a short break. Its been long overdue. It might do some good plus its our anniversary come Wednesday.
Oh the guys at the office been really sweet today especially our academic team. Them 'Gallant Knights' as they called themselves gave every lady in our office chocolates for Valentine's Day.
Then another one of them gave a single rose stalk to each and every lady later in the day.
Very sweet of them....
Anyways, zoning out now plus Sasha is bugging me. She gets jealous when we get on the lappie or the xbox lah. Gonna layan her and then go grab something to eat....or cook something.
Survivor Tocantins at 11pm tonight... must watch!!!!
Posted by AdrenaLynn at 7:26 PM
Monday, February 09, 2009
I've never been big on trust. I never trusted alot of ppl. I can talk a whole lot once I connect with someone but doesn't mean I trust. Once I trust though, I give it wholeheartedly. To a fault I guess. Once I trust someone, I give all out honesty and I expect the same back.
I expect information to be given as freely as I do to them. I dislike having to be at a point where i have to be made to ask. I dislike to be pushed off when i finally do garner the courage to ask. I get pushed off once, twice, thrice maybe.... and after a while.... as strong as I make myself out to be...It'll eventually hurt to much to even get up. Even an animal will know better than to keep getting itself stuck or hurt.
I have always been better at dealing with physical pain rather than the emotional kind. I just really don't know how to handle being emotional...even for the emotional sap that I've become. I hate it. Somehow or rather I wore my heart on my sleeve and I got hurt. How painful was that betrayal....Years past and it still hurts like it was yesterday.
Those other ppl will never understand cos they weren't the one who bore the brunt of it. Many a time I tried convincing myself to let go but I just can't... I still have yet to find that closure. I need to hear the admission and the apology I never got. I didn't deserve what was done and I want that to be acknowledged. I couldn't forgive cos it was never sought to begin with.
Shit that happened in the past have definitely contributed to how... or rather what I am now. I hate feeling the way I feel but I can't help feeling jaded after all. I do admit that some of the thing I do or have done is wrong but its all relative. The cause of it was not me. I sometimes wish I had that facade I put on in the past back on. I wish sometimes I could just fake it thru like I did growing up. I wish I could pretend like I care but I really don't. I sometimes wish It was that easy...like before. Thing is... I'm not even angry anymore, I guess that flame has died off.
I've always grown up misunderstood and I guess I always will be. I'm always never been given enuff credit for what I am good at, good for or even the possibility that I can handle myself. I am sorry if I did things that perhaps should have been done differently but I can't be blamed fully for taking that route.
I am tired. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of being misunderstood. I am tired of waiting for things that I know will never happen. I am tired of trusting halfheartedly. I am tired of fending for myself and I am tired of being emotionally weak.
Maybe you are right my dear ... maybe its about time.
Maybe Its time I stop punishing myself and start forgiving...
beginning with my very own self...
Maybe this time....
It will happen
Posted by AdrenaLynn at 2:27 PM